


Love Yourself First

by kirsty_jayne



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, cas is just very sad but this isnt like super detailed or anything, castiel and dean winchester - Freeform, or at least after casifer is no more, so this is based sometime towards the end of season 11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 19:36:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6870682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirsty_jayne/pseuds/kirsty_jayne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Damnit Cas, we can fix this!” Dean spits out at Castiel, whose head is hung in shame. He’s heard this before, a few years ago when he didn’t think it was broken.<br/>Now though… now Castiel knows better. He is battered and bruised, inside and out. Lucifer being expelled out of him really took a toll on him, more than he thought it would. Then again, Castiel isn’t all that strong anymore. He couldn’t even save the day and be of use like he hoped. He has let down Sam and Dean again. Let down the world again.<br/>His angel grace is fading once again, yet the aching feeling in his chest has not.<br/>“Dean,” Castiel says, and God he can hear how pathetic and hopeless and tired he sounds. “I’m broken.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Yourself First

**Author's Note:**

> enjoy!! i haven't checked over it though so, idk if it makes sense

“Damnit Cas, we can fix this!” Dean spits out at Castiel, whose head is hung in shame. He’s heard this before, a few years ago when he didn’t think it was broken.

Now though… now Castiel knows better. He is battered and bruised, inside and out. Lucifer being expelled out of him really took a toll on him, more than he thought it would. Then again, Castiel isn’t all that strong anymore. He couldn’t even save the day and be of use like he hoped. He has let down Sam and Dean again. Let down the world again.

His angel grace is fading once again, yet the aching feeling in his chest has not.

“Dean,” Castiel says, and God he can hear how pathetic and hopeless and tired he sounds. “I’m broken.”

He can’t even stand to look Dean in the eyes. He is so ashamed of who he is and what he has become. Castiel knows now why he is unloved and mistreated. How could anyone love an abomination like him? Someone who is constantly being used but is never actually useful. 

Castiel doesn’t realise he has begun crying until he tastes the warm saltiness seep along his lower lip.

Almost instantly there are firm calloused hands cradling his jaw, angling his face so he has no other option but to look into the green eyes staring at him. If he wasn’t mistaken he would think there was concern in Dean’s eyes. 

“Don’t you dare talk like that, Cas,” Dean grits out. There’s an angry ‘v’ carved between his eyebrows and Castiel hurts all over again. 

Dean’s thumbs gently wipe the stray tears away one by one, but more keep coming and Castiel doesn’t know how to stop them. 

Then he is being pulled into some sort of hug. One where Dean is forcing him into his chest while he holds the back of his head there with one hand and the other is wrapped around his waist. 

Castiel lets out another sob at the touch, and Dean pulls them both to the ground with Castiel tangled between his legs.

“You ain’t broken, man,” Dean soothes as he strokes his hand almost hesitantly at first through Castiel’s hair. “You’re just – fuck, I don’t know. Lost, maybe? You gotta talk to me though, or – or Sam. You know, if you’d prefer. ‘Cause I know Sam more the one for talking, and I’m not really one to give great life advice.”  
“That’s not true, Dean,” Castiel mumbles into Dean’s shirt. 

“Yeah, well anyway. If you want to talk, just know I’m here to listen,” Dean pauses nervously. “So, do you?”

Castiel remains silent.

“Cas?” Castiel flinches a little, unsure of what to respond with. “Buddy, look at me.” 

And then Dean is cradling his face again and it’s all too much. It feels so tender and warm, and Castiel wants to give himself over completely to the warmth of Dean. He knows he can’t.

“I don’t…” Castiel trails off uncertainly.

“You don’t want to talk?” Dean asks, and Castiel knows he tries to hide the hurt in his voice but he knows him better than that. He wonders if Dean knows him like that too.

“No, I – I don’t know where to begin.” 

“That’s okay.”

Castiel studies Dean’s face. He’s so open and honest, and Castiel loves him. And Castiel wishes – he just wishes to be loved, but he loves Dean Winchester and he has to know.

“I love you,” he murmurs, and immediately darts his eyes to avoid Dean’s gaze.

Dean doesn’t respond straight away. His eyebrows raise a little and his breath hitches slightly, and his hand that was stroking the base hairs on Castiel’s neck stills for a moment. Then his face relaxes and he begins massaging the back of Castiel’s neck softly.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel whispers in a voice so small that Dean wouldn’t be able to hear if he had not been sitting right there.

“No, Cas, don’t apologise. I just – that wasn’t what I expected to hear.” He lets out a breath and his eyes search Castiel’s face, settling on a few stray hairs that cover his forehead. 

Dean gently combs the hairs back and laughs quietly when they fall down again. “You love so much, Cas. You love with all your heart, more than any other angel –”

“Dean, I’m hardly an –”

“and more than any human I know. Maybe you see that as your greatest weakness but I think that it is what gives you strength. I guess I just worry that you don’t love yourself.” Dean looks at him like he has asked a question and is waiting for an answer. 

Truthfully, Castiel doesn’t think he should provide an answer.

Dean lets out a sigh, but he doesn’t sound annoyed or defeated like Castiel thought he would. Instead he says, “So, maybe that’s where we should begin? What do you think, Cas? You got to learn to love yourself first. And I could show you all the things for you to love about yourself. ‘Cause there’s just so damn many things, man. I could list them right now if you like. Do you want it chronologically, alphabetically or um, I don’t know.”

Castiel huffs a breathy laugh, and Dean leans forward to hide his shy smile against his cheek. 

Dean butts his nose against his jawline and says, “You know I – uh, I do too.”

Castiel looks at him questioningly.

“I mean, you know, same,” he clears his throat. “Same situation here, with me. I only hope one day you love yourself… as much as I do.”

A small smiles breaks out onto Castiel’s face.

He thinks he likes that idea. He thinks, maybe he was never broken at all.


End file.
